A Timid Writer’s Guide to Asking for Help
Asking for help is part of any writer’s life. Here’s how to get started.
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Suppose you have a problem.
Suppose you suspect someone in your orbit can help you find a solution.
But whenever you even think about asking this person for help, you recoil like you’ve been asked to do a recreational slug tasting.
You’re being presumptuous, right? Rude. Overbearing. Entitled. Completely out of line. I mean, this person is experienced. Professional. A Really Big Deal. And you? You’re not even a Little Deal. You’re barely even a deal at all, not really—
I’m going to stop you right there. Partially because you are, in fact, a deal (I promise!), and also because this line of thinking assumes your request for help is out of the ordinary. When really, it’s par for the course.
If you are a manager, you will likely be asked to be a reference. If you are an instructor, you will get asked for letters of recommendation. And if you are a writer or editor or publishing professional, you will get asked for writerly/publishy things.
Blurbs. Questions. Advice. A connection to an agent/editor.
We expect these things! We see them a lot! You know how when you go to the doctor and get anxious about the state of your unmentionables, when in reality yours is the 17th unmentionable the doctor has seen that day? That’s the kind of unremarkable-ness we’re talking about here. A polite, professional, reasonable request is not going to send us running for the hills.
What will? Rudeness. Entitlement. Wickedly unreasonable timelines. A meltdown upon hearing the word “no.” Etc. (All qualities from people who would never read something called “A Timid Writer’s Guide to Asking for Help,” so we’re all safe here, I promise.)
So what makes a good request for help?
It’s respectful, but also direct. What are you looking for here? When do you need it? And why is this person the right person to provide it? If it’s feedback, where in the writing process are you, and what kind of feedback are you looking for? If it’s a connection, why specifically do you wish to be connected to this contact? (Bad answer: Because you have an agent and I want to get published too… Better answer: Because this agent has a proven track record of representing books that are similar to mine…) In short: What do you need, why do you need it from this person, and when do you need it by?
It’s reasonable in scope, especially given the context of your relationship. A person you met in the elevator one time is probably not going to critique your 500-page novel. Someone in your writing group might, however, especially if you offer to do the same for them. (Also, it should go without saying, but: Do not cold call/cold email/cold DM someone you do not know asking for help and expect terrific success rates. This will not go well for you.)
It’s in the person’s wheelhouse. You should not be casting about for any person’s help; you should know why you want this particular person’s help. A horror writer is likely not a great person to ask about the ins and outs of the memoir market; a memoirist is not going to know some great horror magazines to query.
It’s reasonably mindful of timing. A writer about to go on book tour is not a great person to ask for a favor. Neither is a person who just brought home a new baby or started a new job. Don’t stress about this too much—you can’t know what you can’t know, and there are always going to be circumstances in someone’s life that you are not privy to—but if you see mention of, say, a cross-country move or a new book coming out, maybe sit on your request for a bit.
It is a request because of what this person knows, not how they identify or what experiences they have lived. Example: While I have profound, deteriorating hearing loss, it would not be appropriate to ask me to read something about a character with hearing loss to ensure you are accurately portraying that character’s lived experience. Do not expect someone to do sensitivity reading work for free.
It is not a request that takes away from someone’s income. If this person offers a paid service (critiquing/query editing/writing coaching/etc.) that is in line with what you need, utilize it! Don’t expect them to do paid work for free just because you asked nicely.
It is an ask that you have mentally prepared to be rejected. Really prepared. If you think about hearing the word “no” and have a bodily reaction of dread or anxiety, you are not ready to hit send. You are going to be rejected when you ask for help, and that’s not only OK, it’s to be expected. People have the right to guard their time and energy. Also, this one request for help is never going to be THE request for help. Your career is never riding on one email/one shot/one conversation in an elevator. There will be other chances and moments, I promise you. So if you get a “no,” do not spiral, do not pass go, do not send them a thousand other requests in the future. Thank them graciously and move on.
Any person you are asking for help has been helped. (If you don’t believe me, check the Acknowledgments section of any book on your shelf.)
It feels so good to reciprocate that help. It’s brutally hard to be in this industry. Writers know this firsthand. And writers want to help other writers. So craft your ask with care, steel yourself for a “no,” and then respond graciously no matter the answer.
Someday in the not-too-distant future, it’ll be you seeing a timid writer’s ask for help pop up in your inbox—and how blissfully, spectacularly good it will feel to pay it all forward.
Until next month—
Keep writing,
Nicki
August 2025 Calls for Submissions
Spotlight Pick: Creation Magazine: The Postcard Poetry Contest
Off Season: Submissions from writers who have not been published in the last 3 months
Spotlight Pick
Creation Magazine: The Postcard Poetry Contest
For this summer poetry contest from Creation Magazine, send “short poems that feel like a memory, a moment, or a message from far away—work that could fit on a postcard, and linger like one, too.” Submit up to three poems, roughly 10 lines each, that fit “the theme of summer, travel, and ephemerality in creative or unexpected ways.” First prize is $100. $3 submission fee.
Deadline: August 1
About Place Journal: “On Freedom” submissions
“We seek poetry, fiction, creative nonfiction, visual art, video, and hybrid works that question, reimagine, and embody what freedom and unfreedom mean in our complex world,” say the editors of About Place Journal, a publication by the Black Earth Institute. Send up to three poems (50 lines max for each) or up to 3 pieces (max 4,000 words each) of prose.
Deadline: August 1
Off Season: Submissions from writers who have not been published in the last 3 months
The new literary journal Off Season aims to serve as a “respite from the rejection, writer’s block, and self-doubt that follows creatives.” As a result, the journal only accepts writing from submitters who have not received a literary journal acceptance in the last three months. For prose, send up to 4,000 words total (sending multiple flash pieces in the same document is fine); for poetry, send 3 to 5 poems not exceeding 10 pages total. No fees, no payments.
Deadline: August 1
History Through Fiction: Historical short fiction
Send historical fiction under 5,000 words to the independent press History Through Fiction for consideration in its third annual short story contest. Any historical setting is welcome as long as the story is set before the year 2000. Grand prize is $250, a podcast interview, and publication in a paperback anthology named after your story. The second-place runner-up will receive $150, a written interview on the press’s blog, and publication in the anthology. All shortlisted writers will receive $75 and publication in the anthology as well. There is a $25 submission fee, although all submitters will receive feedback on their entry as well as a free digital copy of last year’s anthology.
Deadline: August 15
South 85 Journal: “Deluge/Drought” submissions
“Is less more? Is more too much? Can less be enough? Is more actually more?”
South 85 Journal, an online literary journal produced by Converse University’s low-res MFA program, wants submissions that have something to do with a drought and/or a deluge. Send fiction and nonfiction up to 4,000 words or up to three poems (up to six total pages, one poem per page). Additionally, there’s a flash fiction category for stories under 750 words, and novel excerpts are also accepted. Every piece will be considered for the journal’s Editor’s Choice Award of $100, awarded once per issue. $3 submission fee.
Deadline: August 15
Free the Verse: “Signal” poems
The theme for the quarterly poetry magazine Free the Verse’s next issue is “Signal.” Send only one poem as well as a brief third-person bio. No submission fees.
Deadline: Aug. 25
NonBinary Review: "Erased From History" prose & poetry
“We are looking for stories of people or things that have been erased from history, the mechanism by which that erasure is effected, or the consequence of erasure,” explain the editors of NonBinary Review. “We want the story of the lizard people that originally colonized earth, leading to the widespread theory that many world leaders are lizard people. The reason why Atlantis was erased from history and relegated to myth. The fact that gravity was invented by an illiterate Burmese restaurant owner in 1146CE.” Send up to 3,000 words for prose or up to three poems up to 50 lines each. Payment is $.01 per word for prose or a flat $10 for poetry.
Deadline: August 31